If you have worked in Veterinary medicine, in any role, chances are you’ve found yourself in this familiar (and frustrating) position: a friend, neighbor, or family member asks for your expert opinion about something pet-related—whether it’s what species or breed of pet would suit their family or lifestyle, basic pet care and husbandry, when to seek Veterinary care, or how to manage their pet’s chronic condition. Being a kind and empathetic person, you take the time to listen and then thoughtfully offer advice based on science, experience, and compassion . . . and then they do the exact opposite.
They adopt a high-energy working breed while living in a small apartment and working long hours. They skip the recommended diagnostics because “He’s acting fine.” They use the internet’s advice over yours. They delay care until something becomes an emergency. And sometimes, they come back to you again, asking for help with the consequences of not following your original advice.
And every time, it stings a little.
It’s an emotional ripple effect. You saw it coming, and sometimes what follows could have been avoided. Seeing the pet caught in the middle of a preventable situation can be heartbreaking.
The Emotional Cost of Being Dismissed
As Veterinary professionals, we give a lot—our time, our knowledge, our empathy. When someone close to us comes to us for help, we often feel honored and eager to guide them. So when they ignore our advice, it doesn’t just feel like a professional slight—it feels personal.
It can bring up feelings of frustration, helplessness, and even guilt. We may wonder: Did I not explain things clearly? Did they not trust me? Should I have tried harder to convince them?
Worse, we often carry the emotional weight of the outcomes, especially when preventable suffering occurs. It’s hard to compartmentalize when it’s not just a client in an exam room—it’s a family member, your neighbor, or your friend.
Professional Boundaries and Personal Emotions
Veterinary medicine is deeply personal work, and when it intersects with our personal lives, the boundaries can become blurry. We’re taught to communicate with clients using empathy and compassion, and to support them even when they don’t follow our recommendations. But it’s harder to apply that emotional distance when it’s someone we know or even love; someone who believes that our advice is good enough to ask for, but not good enough to follow.
So what can we do?
Set Expectations Early
If a friend or family member asks for your input, it’s okay to set expectations from the beginning. You might say something like, “I’m happy to share my professional thoughts and opinions, but I want to be honest about the realities and risks. Please understand I’m giving you the same advice I’d give any client—what you choose to do with it is up to you.”
Sometimes, naming that boundary helps us protect ourselves emotionally. It reminds the other person that while our advice comes from a place of knowledge, experience, and empathy, it’s still advice, not a guarantee or obligation.
Decide When to Say No
There’s power in deciding when not to give advice. If someone has a track record of disregarding your guidance, it’s okay to opt out next time. You can politely say, “I’d rather not give recommendations if they’re not going to be followed—it’s hard for me to see pets end up suffering.”
This isn’t about being cold or withholding help—it’s about self-preservation. We don’t owe everyone a second (or third, or fourth) opinion, especially when it comes at a cost to our mental and emotional health. And it’s okay to politely say so!
Don’t Take Responsibility for Others’ Choices
This is easier said than done, but it’s crucial for your well-being: you are not responsible for what someone does after you give them accurate, compassionate, and professional advice. (Let me repeat that: you are not responsible for what someone does after you give them accurate, compassionate, and professional advice!)
Whether or not they follow your advice is up to them. You did your part. And your value as a Veterinary professional does not diminish when someone chooses not to listen.
Lean on Your Community
Veterinary professionals often share similar stories of being disregarded by friends or family. Talk about it. Vent to a trusted colleague. Normalize the frustration and emotional labor involved.
We don’t always get validation from the people we’re trying to help—but we can find it in each other.
Keep Showing Up—with Boundaries
Most of us chose this profession because we care deeply. That doesn’t mean we have to let ourselves be taken for granted.
We can still offer help—but on our terms. We can still lead with kindness—but with realistic expectations. We can still care—but without letting it cost us our peace.
So the next time someone asks for your input, remember: you have every right to give it, decline it, or place boundaries around it. What they choose to do is on them—not you.