In any professional setting—whether you’re managing a team, collaborating with peers, or working under a boss—it’s easy to fall into the trap of assumptions.
You assume your manager wants you to handle something a certain way.
You assume your colleague is on the same page about a project.
You assume your direct report knows what you meant in that vague Slack message.
And sometimes, you assume what people need (support, feedback, direction, space) without actually asking them.
But here’s the truth: assumptions are communication shortcuts. And shortcuts lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and mistakes.
The most effective professionals aren’t mind readers, they’re mind seekers. They don’t guess. They ask. They clarify. They check in. They know that the foundation of great working relationships is simple but powerful:
Don’t assume. Ask.
Let’s explore why assumptions are so tempting, what they cost us, and how replacing assumptions with curiosity can completely change your experience at work.
Why We Make Assumptions at Work
First, let’s acknowledge: making assumptions isn’t a character flaw. It’s human nature.
We’re wired to make quick judgments and fill in the blanks. In fast-paced work environments, it can feel efficient to assume rather than ask. It saves time . . . at least on the surface.
Here’s why assumptions happen so often:
1. We think we know.
You’ve worked with someone for years. You’ve seen your boss react in a certain way before. You think you understand what they want or need. But people aren’t static. Their needs evolve. Their context changes.
2. We’re afraid to ask.
Asking can feel vulnerable or awkward. You might think: Shouldn’t I know this already? Will I look incompetent if I ask? Will they be annoyed?
3. We’re in a rush.
Deadlines loom. Meetings pile up. So instead of pausing to check in, we decide on their behalf: They probably want X. I’ll just do that.
4. We project our preferences.
We assume others work like we do. If you love lots of detail, you give lots of detail. If you like hands-off managers, you assume your direct reports do, too. But what works for you might not work for them.
And that’s where the problems begin.
The Cost of Assuming
Assumptions might save a few seconds in the short term, but they cost hours, dollars, and trust in the long run.
Let’s look at some real-world consequences:
1. Misalignment
You spend three days building a report in a format your manager didn’t want. Or your team member builds a product feature based upon what they thought the client wanted.
Misalignment wastes time, energy, and resources.
2. Conflict and Frustration
You assume your coworker is ignoring your messag, but they’re just overwhelmed. You assume your boss is mad, but they’re just deep in thought. Assumptions create stories. And often, those stories are wrong.
Left unchecked, those stories become resentment.
3. Missed Opportunities
You assume your employee doesn’t want more responsibility, so you don’t offer. You assume your colleague isn’t interested in leading a project, so you don’t ask. You miss a chance to develop and empower people simply because you didn’t check in.
4. Decreased Trust
When people feel misunderstood, overlooked, or boxed in by assumptions, trust erodes. They don’t feel seen. They stop communicating. The working relationship suffers.
Trust isn’t built on guessing someone’s needs. It’s built on caring enough to ask.
What Should You Ask Instead?
If assumptions are the problem, questions are the solution. But not just any questions, but intentional ones.
Here are some great ones to weave into your day-to-day professional life:
Asking Your Manager
- “What’s the most important outcome for you on this project?”
- “How do you prefer updates—via email, Slack, or live?”
- “When you say ‘done,’ what does that look like to you?”
- “Do you want me to run with this or check in regularly?”
- “Is there anything I can do to make your job easier this week?”
Even asking simple preference questions can radically improve how well you support them and how much autonomy you’re given in return.
Asking Your Colleagues
- “What’s your preferred working style for collaboration?”
- “Are you open to feedback on this, or should we circle back later?”
- “What’s your bandwidth like this week—can you take this on?”
- “Would it be helpful for us to get aligned on roles before we dive in?”
These questions reduce confusion and make collaboration smoother.
Asking Your Direct Reports or Team
- “What kind of support do you need from me right now?”
- “How do you prefer to receive feedback—live, written, scheduled?”
- “What’s something I might not know about how you work best?”
- “What are your goals this quarter, and how can I help you get there?”
People perform better when they feel understood. You don’t have to guess their needs, you just have to ask.
How to Create a Culture of Asking, Not Assuming
If you’re a leader or just want to improve team communication, encourage others to ask, too. Curiosity is contagious.
Here’s how to build this into your culture:
1. Normalize Clarifying Questions
Make it clear that asking for clarity is a strength, not a weakness. Reward it. Praise it. Model it yourself. Say things like:
- “Great question—thanks for checking.”
- “Let’s clarify to make sure we’re aligned.”
- “I’d rather you ask now than redo later.”
2. Set the Tone in 1:1s
Use your regular check-ins to ask not just about tasks, but preferences and needs. Example:
- “Is there anything I’m assuming about your workload that I should rethink?”
You’ll be surprised how much people open up when invited.
3. Make Feedback a Two-Way Conversation
Feedback isn’t a monologue. Don’t assume your intention landed. Ask:
- “How did that land with you?”
- “Was that helpful?”
- “What else do you need from me?”
This deepens trust and prevents misunderstanding.
4. Pause Before Acting
When something frustrates you—a vague email, a missed deadline—pause. Don’t assume intent. Ask:
- “Hey, I noticed X. Can you help me understand what happened?”
This turns conflict into conversation.
When It’s Hard to Ask
Even with the best intentions, asking can feel uncomfortable. Here are a few common fears and how to reframe them:
Fear: “I should already know this.”
Reframe: Everyone’s needs change. You’re being proactive, not incompetent.
Fear: “They’ll think I’m micromanaging.”
Reframe: Asking how someone wants to be supported is the opposite of micromanagement. It shows respect.
Fear: “They’re too busy—I don’t want to bother them.”
Reframe: Miscommunication wastes more time than a 30-second clarifying question.
Real-Life Scenarios: Asking Instead of Assuming
Scenario 1: The Boss Who “Hates Updates”
You assume your boss doesn’t want check-ins because they rarely reply to status emails. So, you stop sending them. Later, they’re frustrated that you “weren’t communicating.”
Fix: Ask, “What’s your preferred format and frequency for updates?” Turns out they prefer bullet-point Slack messages weekly. Problem solved.
Scenario 2: The Coworker Who Seems Unmotivated
You assume your teammate doesn’t care because they’re disengaged in meetings. But when you finally ask, you learn they’re unclear on their role in the project and didn’t want to overstep.
Fix: Ask, “How do you see your role here? What support would help you contribute more confidently?”
Scenario 3: The Team Member Who Keeps Missing Deadlines
You assume they’re lazy or bad at time management. But after asking, you find out they’ve been dealing with unclear priorities and conflicting requests from two managers.
Fix: Ask, “What’s your current workload look like? What’s getting in your way right now?”
The Long-Term Impact of Asking Instead of Assuming
When you stop making assumptions, several positive things happen:
- Communication improves. Misunderstandings go down. Collaboration goes up.
- Trust deepens. People feel seen and heard.
- Efficiency increases. Less time is wasted on fixing misaligned work.
- Empowerment rises. People get what they actually need—not what others think they need.
- Leadership gets stronger. Leaders who ask and listen lead better teams.
In short: relationships improve. Results improve. And the culture becomes one where people feel safe, supported, and aligned.
Curiosity Is a Superpower
The workplace isn’t a guessing game. And success isn’t about reading minds; it’s about reading the moment.
Ask. Clarify. Check in. Be curious.
Because the most powerful words in any professional relationship are often the simplest:
- “What do you need right now?”
- “How can I support you?”
- “Can you help me understand?”
Don’t assume. Ask. It changes everything.